Why is the Measure of Love Loss?

For over a week I’ve been trying to form the words to simply announce news that gets stuck in my mind and heart whirling around, fighting, dancing, as if to mock my typical facileness with articulacy and my “fetish” for information sharing. It started with me thinking.., I should tell them, all my loved ones, the ones that even if they don’t know me, they know this part of me, to, oh, and the ones who do know me, and maybe even know more….they all will want to know and I must be the one to tell them. Why? Because knowledge is power, not just the “I’m the Queen” kind, but the kind that helps you make decisions around asking triggering questions either privately or publicly, the kind of power that can help you educate yourself ahead of time should a similar situation arise in your world, the kind of power that can cause you to make hard decisions. Whatever that power does to or for you, it’s your right to have it and my duty to share it.

Last week, Samson, my dear beloved Prince, the “love of my life”, My Little Man, my protector, and my heart passed gently in my arms and into another world. We created a beautiful altar with all his favorite things and pictures of loved ones, human and canine, here and gone, (primarily images pre camera phones 2005) laid upon it. I had deep, diverse, and loving support from a few dear ones and we talked and cried long into the night.

At first it was as if I were in a dream. I knew it had happened, but didn’t want to believe it, yet oddly enough, I was terrified to go outside. Anyone could see me without him and ask. It was too obvious, him not being at my side. Then I agreed to go out slowly, only where it was not expected to have my beloved Samson in tow, in fact, only where he was not known. I started making it out, telling dear friends slowly, baby steps. Trying not to make the “big” announcement, to save myself the torrent of condolences that would only validate the truth of his passing. In other words, I have been in mourning and grieving and trying to let you all know my reality. And so, in the course of my baby steps, the announcement is made.

 

Perhaps there’s something in it you can empathize with. Whether it be pet, parent, or loved one of any sort, the loss is immeasurable. I’ve lost both parents, two siblings, two best friends, several dear ones, and Samson is my first animal companion. The devastation still strikes me. So, as a coach, teacher, one who embraces and encourages change, I can honestly say that is where my meditation today, in those lessons that will surely pour forth, (as some have already started), the more the grieving wanes, an energy will always push ahead a bit more, and loving energy is the one I wrap my arms around and weep into every day. And it will continue to be so for some time. May all of you and all of your loved ones and even those who feel they do not deserve love, feel the depth of the love from within.

sending out that love to you now,

 

Eve

 

ps: sometimes I just cannot be funny, isn’t that hilarious?

 

pps: the title of this piece is stolen directly from Written on the Body, by Jeanette Winterson

On *Querencia*

Confession: I love well done, thoughtful astrology. At its worst it’s amusing, at its best, it can offer a beacon of hope, a shred of humanity, a thoughtful pause. One of my favorite astrologers, Rob Brezsny hit that proverbial nail on the head for me today. Here’s his input for this week:

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): *Querencia* is a Spanish word with many
nuances. At its simplest, it refers to your favorite spot, a place where you
long to be. But its meaning can go even deeper. *Querencia* may be a
sanctuary where you feel safe and authentic, or a situation that enables
you to draw on extra reserves of strength and courage. It’s a special kind
of home: an empowering shelter that makes you feel that you belong in
this world and love your life. Can you guess where I’m going with this
message, Gemini? These days you need to be in your *querencia* even
more than usual. If you don’t have one, or if you don’t know where yours
is, formulate a fierce intention to locate it.

As my dear friend and colleague Barbara Carrellas says, “we always teach what we need to learn the most”…guess what I was particularly stressing to mine and Cleo’s intensive students this weekend? Yep, you got it…how important it is to find your “safe/happy/nurturing” space quickly and easily. And guess what I’ve been doing for 36 hours? Yep, that’s right, working on it. I had never heard the word *Querencia* before, but it really spells it out doesn’t it? Brilliant!

Folsom Flavors and More…

Welcome to Leather Week here in San Francisco! The attached image is me with a “friend” at Folsom Street Fair 2010. So much going on this week: leather history with Cleo Dubois and Fakir Musafar, a talk on the history of the Folsom Street Fair with the inimitable Gayle Rubin, parties galore…

and the list of events go on, including:

Lock and Load: From Tie and Tease to Chastity Please! at bond.com through kink.com and the Armory this Saturday September 20th and it’s Sold out! Come check out the festivities anyhow. It should be stimulating;)

Next on the agenda, we have a couple of spots left in the next Women’s Erotic Dominance Intensive. It will be the last one this year, so if you’ve been on the fence about taking it, now’s the time. Go here for more info: http://www.sm-arts.com/wp/weekend-intensives-2/erotic-dominance-intensive-for-women-45/

Save the Date: Tuesday October 21st at the SF Citadel the premiere of “Making Messes of Men in Dresses! Feminization for Fun, Frolic, and the Future”. As some of you may know, I take “feminization, cross-dressing, gender play, etc” very seriously and I have an amazing time doing it. I hope you’ll join me in this bound to be fabulous frenzy of feminization!

Finally, I am super proud and happy to announce the opening of “Eve’s Rumpus Room and Sensual Parlor” at a private location in the Potrero Hill are of San Francisco. Not only am I conducting private sessions, I am also offering it as a Erotic Sleepover Spot and hourly play space. Here is a rough first listing on airbnb. I also have it listed on Fetlife (I’m Minax there), but please feel free to inquire directly for more information.

In love and kink,

Eve

The Fruits of Our Sex Positive Labor

Teaching is fantastically underrated and yet it never fails to give me a sense of accomplishment. One of my intrinsic core values is knowledge, (both sides, teaching and learning), hence, I am a long time advocate of sharing and exchanging knowledge. Secrets (around knowledge) do not intrigue me as I know we cannot know all, so telling all will only unveil more. It seems that as soon as I think I know everything, other aspects will develop. Hence, my unending quest for knowledge. Knowledge does not emerge in a vacuum however, it is developed over time and experience and with others. Today, I am going to speak to the power of knowledge, collaboration, and laboring on what you love.

I’ve been presenting on BDSM for almost 15 years and have some pretty wild stories to tell, but some of the most meaningful stories come from working with others. My primary and initial collaboration is with Cléo DuBois, assisting the Academy of SM-Arts as a long term instructor on kink and bdsm, with a particular focus on Sensual SM, D/s dynamics, Role Playing, and Feminization, (these are a few of my favorite things:). The gratitude I feel when working with the students and the amazing volunteers we have over the years is immeasurable. These weekend long Intensives are life changing experiences, no doubt about it. I learn something new every time. And being able to call Cléo a friend and colleague all these many years is a blessing and a terrific indicator of the power of collaboration.

I’m not so lucky in some ways, but when  it comes to the gift of collaboration and sex positivity I’m super lucky! Over time and magical connections,  I’ve also had the fortune of working with our one and only Urban Tantrika, Barbara Carellas, tossing ideas with the glorious Sex Positive Artist, (who dubbed me a Pleasure Artist), Ms Annie Sprinkle, feeling supported by the invincible Carol Queen, and having hilarious fun with the inimitable Alice from Alice In Bondageland. Of course, there have been so many others over the years, (apologies if not named here), and my deepest appreciation is with you all.

The amazing Jaeleen Bennis, my friend and colleague, (do you see a pattern here? lol),  suggested we collaborate on a series of Master Classes for both Bondassage and Elysium. She and I have been in cohoots for over six years and it has always been pleasant and profitable, including our book baby. Of course, the Master Class collaborative work began months ago, and the manifestation of those efforts proved worthwhile. The class was a blast! Of all my work, besides clients, I really love working with colleagues, fellow professionals, you know, “sisters” in the work. We don’t need to discuss morality or other rhetorical games, we simply get to exchange that precious knowledge and sink into the comfort of each other for awhile, knowing that we can simply “be”.

It was a day long seminar, but it flew by in no time. First we started with protocol procedures…what can you do differently with each recipient of your touch? How do you decide? Since we are dealing with individuals and not cookies, we get to design our approaches according to needs and desires. Speaking of which, I rarely feel competitive as I think we all have somebody who will appreciate our artistry for our unique print upon it. That’s why having a template of Bondassage is so useful. Like Julie Andrews said “Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly.” Bondassage offers the discipline of the approach, the structure of the content, and then the practitioner gets to create her own scene. What glory!

As professionals, we get the chance to create the electrical energy rushes that exhilarate and liberate, and each of us brings our own special talents. The practitioners in this seminar (and all classes I have taught with them) had all kinds of wonderful tricks up their sleeves: nifty restraint, specialized body slides, edging techniques, fun toys and more esoteric wonders, we shared and played and laughed and worked. And back to Jaeleen, can I just say that some of her tips and tricks astound me? So simple, so practical, and yet in my 15 years, I’ve not thought of them. I use several regularly, just ask!

So, as we move into a day of tribute to “American’s Workers” , I’d like to express deep gratitude for my fellow practitioners in all fields  of sexuality and of course the special clientele who help support our work. Thank you so much. Let’s keep up the work and understand our own value, even if society does not sometimes.

Happy Labor Day!

 

labor_540

Sex Life Work Life and Chastity in September!

Los Angeles with Catalyst Con West

 

Fascinating and Frustrating: When Your Sex Work Becomes Your Sex Life
Amy Butcher, Eve Minax, Sinclair Sexsmith, TT Baum
#cconwork

Saturday Sept 13th

As sex positive professionals, sometimes what we do for work becomes the only sex we have. Whether you are the sex geek academic whose writing and teaching have taken the passion out of the physical act, the escort who must choose between lovers and clients, or the porn actor whose personal love making feels scripted, all of us experience these phenomena in one form or another.

Also, most people, inside and outside of the sex industry, can assume that we as sex positive professionals are regularly having lots of great and easy sex. But this is not always the case. As much as we talk about sex, the sad thing is we rarely talk about how our work impacts our sex lives. How do we find balance between our professional scenes, and our private bedrooms and play-spaces? Who do we confide in when our partners just don’t understand? What do we do when our client boundaries get fuzzy as we forget that we need intimacy too? How has your sex life changed since you have become a sex professional?

Join Eve Minax, Sinclair Sexsmith, Amy Butcher, and TTBaum as they bring this unspoken subject out into the light for dialogue, discussion and some creative problem solving!

http://catalystcon.com/sessions/

12:00 pm – 1:30 pm San Francisco Armory

Lock and Load: Extreme Tease and Denial through Milking, Forced & Ruined Orgasms and Chastity Training

Tease and Denial is truly delightful for all involved. Advanced techniques for controlling orgasms can have a remarkable impact when sexually training your slave.

Come learn how to take your tease and denial to the next level. We will discuss forced orgasms, and ways of taking what is normally pleasurable and making it painful. Chastity training is central to any regimen of orgasm control, so we will discuss general considerations, specific devices, and chastity games that one can play. And what would chastity be without those wonderful accompaniments: ruined orgasms, prostate milking, and extreme teasing? Find out how to keeping the plumbing in order while still keeping your slave denied and on the edge of their seat. This class encourages Dom/mes/subs of all genders and the demo will be determined by best suited applicant.

 

http://bondcon.com/workshops/

Seeking Handy Folk and Sincere Artists

I’ve been getting more and more Interior Design work lately, and as I do, I also get painting, electrical, upholstery and general handyman requests. Sometimes specialized projects are needed.

Looking for kink friendly individuals/teams who are reliable, efficient, and par excellence.

Please contact eve@eveminax.com with references and a brief history/CV and for more information.

Thanks,

Eve
415 994 2887

What is Bondassage?

An Interview with Eve Minax by Pleasure Mechanics

I forget how much I know until I get a chance to talk about Erotic Domination, Integrating Kinky Sex, Spanking, and of course Bondassage! I really LOVED talking with my friends from Pleasure Mechanics recently about all of those subjects and more.

Here’s a clip wherein I discuss the book Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Massage Tips For Lovers , what Bondassage is, and how it could work for you!

We are super pleased to support lovers pursuing pleasure in this world and my hand motions are hilarious!

Watch:

 

 

A Little Unorthodox But Then Again…

it’s me!

I’m looking for housing. Please help me find the perfect palace:)

Queer, Kinky, Service Oriented Home Search

I am exploring various options in my search for new housing, (even considering leaving SF if needed). I’ve been envisioning a Kinky, “Queerish”, Sex Positive Household in SF for over 5 years. Perhaps it’s time?

Say three or four of us who are organized, (enough), clean, (enough), enjoy an aesthetically pleasing, harmonious, inviting home with par excellence domesticity AND are undeniably kinky. Looking for a few folks who are down right sex positive and proud of it, (meaning happy with nudity, raunchy jokes, sex parties, SM and Kink) to get a larger space and make it into something special. If possible, perhaps even sustainable veggies and other food growing?

A little more about me:

I am mature, responsible, have a Chihuahua, am very friendly and enjoy people, but work and socialize enough to prefer a laid back home. I am an omnivore who cooks maybe four times a week, pretty tidy and organized. I do drink wine and enjoy having friends/lovers/submissives over, but am not a huge partier.

Since I work for myself I do not keep typical work hours, often I am on the computer or making telephone calls, sometimes I am seeing clients – not super late or super early in general. I have another studio to work from, but I would like to be able to see clients at home from time to time also.

I am told I am an excellent roomie and a clear communicator. I am conscious of your preferences, but prefer also not to have to “walk on eggshells” around tons of idiosyncrasies, and I feel you should have the same privileges with me. Honest and direct communication is key. I can afford somewhere up to $2200 depending on the circumstance (open to a place of my own also!). I am amenable to skill share to reduce rent or paying more for a larger part of the space. Ideally, I am seeking Mission, SOMA, Duboce Park, Western Addition, Castro, Bernal but am OPEN to unique opportunities (locally) that works!

Let me know if interested or if you simply have other ideas by emailing me at eve@eveminax.com and tell me more about yourself and what you’ve got in mind.

Thanks for reading this:)

BDSM and Kink a 69 Second Sexplanation

eve_minax-new

 

I was recently asked to give a little insight to Alex Liu of Science of Sin https://www.youtube.com/user/scienceofsin.

If you haven’t seen Alex’s work, you will want to – it’s pretty amazing. He’s been creating super cute pithy educational videos that “sexplain” why “you’re so good at being bad!”. He also recently started working on a documentary project mapping out sexuality and desire by eradicating shame through exploration and education. His documentary crowdfunding campaign ends next week with $11K and counting. https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/a-sexplanation/x/6959093

Whew! that was a mouthful!

In a word, Alex invited me to assist his endeavor and I of course said yes. Did I mention he’s also a doll? Ok, gay, but a girl can dream no?

In any case, we shot about an hour or so of video, but Alex worked his magic and made this 69 second video on Kink through my words. I hope you find it as short and sweet as I do!

Playing With Power: Dominance and Submission

Authentic Power Play: Dominance and Submission by Eve Minax

 

Consensual Dominance and submission in relationships reflect an intentional acknowledgement and exploration of intrinsic power dynamics in an erotic fashion. These relationships draw upon the nature of the relationship, (the “bossier” person, more educated, older etc tend to traditionally be the “dominant”), to play with the already established power exchange. Conversely, some of these relationships have been “forced” on us through the years, eg … parents, bosses, etc that may have left an erotic print on our psyche that we wish to examine. By accepting and developing a D/s dynamic in relation to another, we can often heal and grow in ways that astound. The reason I am drawn to D/s as a Dominant is that I wish to mend some of the power imbalances I have endured over the years. I am also infinitely curious how relationships work and have a great desire to see them grow and develop into deeper awareness and closer intimacy.

The most important aspect to D/s training for both parties is to know yourself, your wants and your needs, and to be able to articulate those wants and needs in a thoughtful and thorough fashion. We cannot fully know ourselves at any given time however, so it also encourages compassion for yourself and your partner. You are human, you will err. There are many avenues to self-exploration and understanding and not any one of them is the only way. Ideally when our paths cross we can begin to understand how each of us have gotten there and have the wherewithal to follow through the relationship in a meaningful way. I would also suggest an ability to accept the type of relationship for “what it is” instead of trying to make it something it is not. A D/s component exists in all of our relationships, and when we develop that aspect of our dynamic then can we weave a thread of erotic power play.

 

As far as D/s training goes, I had to come to terms with the fact that I am a dominant person who enjoys and appreciates rigorous self exploration, consequently I attract submissives who also value self exploration and wish to defer to a more experienced person. What I have determined over the years since I began practicing serious D/s training is that I am a tenacious, yet flexible dominant. I have very specific ways that I like things done, but I cannot and will not reprimand irresponsibly. Two of the main ingredients to a good submissive for me are flexibility and humor. This is not to say that they should be a flake and a smart-ass, but that they can accommodate my mercurial ways with a sense of dignity and charm.

 

Although difficult, if I were to try to break down what makes a good D/s relationship work it would look something like this:

 

 

 * Communication. An ability of each participant to articulate their wants and needs and ability of each participant to negotiate their wants, (needs are less negotiable) are imperative to healthy relationships in all forms.

 

* Commitment. Energy and enthusiasm can wane in a relationship, but desire to participate in the relationship should always be intact – even if it is simply being questioned. It is perfectly healthy to question many facets of the relationship, but if the desire to be in the relationship is gone, then other facets arise. Be mindful.

 

*  Compassion for yourself and the other. Be kind to yourself, even when you make mistakes. Further, even if you are the dominant it does not mean that the submissive has no right to their feelings and emotions. Be kind to them also.

 

*  Service. The Dominant should be in service to the higher power of the relationship as much as the submissive is in service to the Dominant. Service ideally is the erotic glue to D/s. How can you serve and be aroused by service?

 

*  Flexibility. Each party should be able to move for the other. The most obvious understatement to this may be that the submissive will probably defer more often than the Dominant. Give each other enough space to work out individual quirks, but not too much that you no longer have any commonalities. Breathe into the change that will surely emerge.

*  Trust. How much do you trust that the other has your well being in mind first and foremost? How much do you trust yourself?

 *  Be honest. To what extent can you be honest with yourself, your beauty, power, and grandeur, with all of its foibles, imperfections and inconsistencies? D/s is all about being able to be truthful relaying your truth in a thoughtful and thorough fashion and subsequently being able to listen to your partner.

To sum it all up in the words of a former student at the Cleo Dubois Academy of S/M Arts  “find out what your partner wants and give it to them.” And of course, let them know honestly when you can’t.