Folsom Flavors and More…

Welcome to Leather Week here in San Francisco! The attached image is me with a “friend” at Folsom Street Fair 2010. So much going on this week: leather history with Cleo Dubois and Fakir Musafar, a talk on the history of the Folsom Street Fair with the inimitable Gayle Rubin, parties galore…

and the list of events go on, including:

Lock and Load: From Tie and Tease to Chastity Please! at bond.com through kink.com and the Armory this Saturday September 20th and it’s Sold out! Come check out the festivities anyhow. It should be stimulating;)

Next on the agenda, we have a couple of spots left in the next Women’s Erotic Dominance Intensive. It will be the last one this year, so if you’ve been on the fence about taking it, now’s the time. Go here for more info: http://www.sm-arts.com/wp/weekend-intensives-2/erotic-dominance-intensive-for-women-45/

Save the Date: Tuesday October 21st at the SF Citadel the premiere of “Making Messes of Men in Dresses! Feminization for Fun, Frolic, and the Future”. As some of you may know, I take “feminization, cross-dressing, gender play, etc” very seriously and I have an amazing time doing it. I hope you’ll join me in this bound to be fabulous frenzy of feminization!

Finally, I am super proud and happy to announce the opening of “Eve’s Rumpus Room and Sensual Parlor” at a private location in the Potrero Hill are of San Francisco. Not only am I conducting private sessions, I am also offering it as a Erotic Sleepover Spot and hourly play space. Here is a rough first listing on airbnb. I also have it listed on Fetlife (I’m Minax there), but please feel free to inquire directly for more information.

In love and kink,

Eve

The Fruits of Our Sex Positive Labor

Teaching is fantastically underrated and yet it never fails to give me a sense of accomplishment. One of my intrinsic core values is knowledge, (both sides, teaching and learning), hence, I am a long time advocate of sharing and exchanging knowledge. Secrets (around knowledge) do not intrigue me as I know we cannot know all, so telling all will only unveil more. It seems that as soon as I think I know everything, other aspects will develop. Hence, my unending quest for knowledge. Knowledge does not emerge in a vacuum however, it is developed over time and experience and with others. Today, I am going to speak to the power of knowledge, collaboration, and laboring on what you love.

I’ve been presenting on BDSM for almost 15 years and have some pretty wild stories to tell, but some of the most meaningful stories come from working with others. My primary and initial collaboration is with Cléo DuBois, assisting the Academy of SM-Arts as a long term instructor on kink and bdsm, with a particular focus on Sensual SM, D/s dynamics, Role Playing, and Feminization, (these are a few of my favorite things:). The gratitude I feel when working with the students and the amazing volunteers we have over the years is immeasurable. These weekend long Intensives are life changing experiences, no doubt about it. I learn something new every time. And being able to call Cléo a friend and colleague all these many years is a blessing and a terrific indicator of the power of collaboration.

I’m not so lucky in some ways, but when  it comes to the gift of collaboration and sex positivity I’m super lucky! Over time and magical connections,  I’ve also had the fortune of working with our one and only Urban Tantrika, Barbara Carellas, tossing ideas with the glorious Sex Positive Artist, (who dubbed me a Pleasure Artist), Ms Annie Sprinkle, feeling supported by the invincible Carol Queen, and having hilarious fun with the inimitable Alice from Alice In Bondageland. Of course, there have been so many others over the years, (apologies if not named here), and my deepest appreciation is with you all.

The amazing Jaeleen Bennis, my friend and colleague, (do you see a pattern here? lol),  suggested we collaborate on a series of Master Classes for both Bondassage and Elysium. She and I have been in cohoots for over six years and it has always been pleasant and profitable, including our book baby. Of course, the Master Class collaborative work began months ago, and the manifestation of those efforts proved worthwhile. The class was a blast! Of all my work, besides clients, I really love working with colleagues, fellow professionals, you know, “sisters” in the work. We don’t need to discuss morality or other rhetorical games, we simply get to exchange that precious knowledge and sink into the comfort of each other for awhile, knowing that we can simply “be”.

It was a day long seminar, but it flew by in no time. First we started with protocol procedures…what can you do differently with each recipient of your touch? How do you decide? Since we are dealing with individuals and not cookies, we get to design our approaches according to needs and desires. Speaking of which, I rarely feel competitive as I think we all have somebody who will appreciate our artistry for our unique print upon it. That’s why having a template of Bondassage is so useful. Like Julie Andrews said “Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly.” Bondassage offers the discipline of the approach, the structure of the content, and then the practitioner gets to create her own scene. What glory!

As professionals, we get the chance to create the electrical energy rushes that exhilarate and liberate, and each of us brings our own special talents. The practitioners in this seminar (and all classes I have taught with them) had all kinds of wonderful tricks up their sleeves: nifty restraint, specialized body slides, edging techniques, fun toys and more esoteric wonders, we shared and played and laughed and worked. And back to Jaeleen, can I just say that some of her tips and tricks astound me? So simple, so practical, and yet in my 15 years, I’ve not thought of them. I use several regularly, just ask!

So, as we move into a day of tribute to “American’s Workers” , I’d like to express deep gratitude for my fellow practitioners in all fields  of sexuality and of course the special clientele who help support our work. Thank you so much. Let’s keep up the work and understand our own value, even if society does not sometimes.

Happy Labor Day!

 

labor_540

Sex Life Work Life and Chastity in September!

Los Angeles with Catalyst Con West

 

Fascinating and Frustrating: When Your Sex Work Becomes Your Sex Life
Amy Butcher, Eve Minax, Sinclair Sexsmith, TT Baum
#cconwork

Saturday Sept 13th

As sex positive professionals, sometimes what we do for work becomes the only sex we have. Whether you are the sex geek academic whose writing and teaching have taken the passion out of the physical act, the escort who must choose between lovers and clients, or the porn actor whose personal love making feels scripted, all of us experience these phenomena in one form or another.

Also, most people, inside and outside of the sex industry, can assume that we as sex positive professionals are regularly having lots of great and easy sex. But this is not always the case. As much as we talk about sex, the sad thing is we rarely talk about how our work impacts our sex lives. How do we find balance between our professional scenes, and our private bedrooms and play-spaces? Who do we confide in when our partners just don’t understand? What do we do when our client boundaries get fuzzy as we forget that we need intimacy too? How has your sex life changed since you have become a sex professional?

Join Eve Minax, Sinclair Sexsmith, Amy Butcher, and TTBaum as they bring this unspoken subject out into the light for dialogue, discussion and some creative problem solving!

http://catalystcon.com/sessions/

12:00 pm – 1:30 pm San Francisco Armory

Lock and Load: Extreme Tease and Denial through Milking, Forced & Ruined Orgasms and Chastity Training

Tease and Denial is truly delightful for all involved. Advanced techniques for controlling orgasms can have a remarkable impact when sexually training your slave.

Come learn how to take your tease and denial to the next level. We will discuss forced orgasms, and ways of taking what is normally pleasurable and making it painful. Chastity training is central to any regimen of orgasm control, so we will discuss general considerations, specific devices, and chastity games that one can play. And what would chastity be without those wonderful accompaniments: ruined orgasms, prostate milking, and extreme teasing? Find out how to keeping the plumbing in order while still keeping your slave denied and on the edge of their seat. This class encourages Dom/mes/subs of all genders and the demo will be determined by best suited applicant.

 

http://bondcon.com/workshops/

Seeking Handy Folk and Sincere Artists

I’ve been getting more and more Interior Design work lately, and as I do, I also get painting, electrical, upholstery and general handyman requests. Sometimes specialized projects are needed.

Looking for kink friendly individuals/teams who are reliable, efficient, and par excellence.

Please contact eve@eveminax.com with references and a brief history/CV and for more information.

Thanks,

Eve
415 994 2887

A Little Unorthodox But Then Again…

it’s me!

I’m looking for housing. Please help me find the perfect palace:)

Queer, Kinky, Service Oriented Home Search

I am exploring various options in my search for new housing, (even considering leaving SF if needed). I’ve been envisioning a Kinky, “Queerish”, Sex Positive Household in SF for over 5 years. Perhaps it’s time?

Say three or four of us who are organized, (enough), clean, (enough), enjoy an aesthetically pleasing, harmonious, inviting home with par excellence domesticity AND are undeniably kinky. Looking for a few folks who are down right sex positive and proud of it, (meaning happy with nudity, raunchy jokes, sex parties, SM and Kink) to get a larger space and make it into something special. If possible, perhaps even sustainable veggies and other food growing?

A little more about me:

I am mature, responsible, have a Chihuahua, am very friendly and enjoy people, but work and socialize enough to prefer a laid back home. I am an omnivore who cooks maybe four times a week, pretty tidy and organized. I do drink wine and enjoy having friends/lovers/submissives over, but am not a huge partier.

Since I work for myself I do not keep typical work hours, often I am on the computer or making telephone calls, sometimes I am seeing clients – not super late or super early in general. I have another studio to work from, but I would like to be able to see clients at home from time to time also.

I am told I am an excellent roomie and a clear communicator. I am conscious of your preferences, but prefer also not to have to “walk on eggshells” around tons of idiosyncrasies, and I feel you should have the same privileges with me. Honest and direct communication is key. I can afford somewhere up to $2200 depending on the circumstance (open to a place of my own also!). I am amenable to skill share to reduce rent or paying more for a larger part of the space. Ideally, I am seeking Mission, SOMA, Duboce Park, Western Addition, Castro, Bernal but am OPEN to unique opportunities (locally) that works!

Let me know if interested or if you simply have other ideas by emailing me at eve@eveminax.com and tell me more about yourself and what you’ve got in mind.

Thanks for reading this:)

BDSM and Kink a 69 Second Sexplanation

eve_minax-new

 

I was recently asked to give a little insight to Alex Liu of Science of Sin https://www.youtube.com/user/scienceofsin.

If you haven’t seen Alex’s work, you will want to – it’s pretty amazing. He’s been creating super cute pithy educational videos that “sexplain” why “you’re so good at being bad!”. He also recently started working on a documentary project mapping out sexuality and desire by eradicating shame through exploration and education. His documentary crowdfunding campaign ends next week with $11K and counting. https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/a-sexplanation/x/6959093

Whew! that was a mouthful!

In a word, Alex invited me to assist his endeavor and I of course said yes. Did I mention he’s also a doll? Ok, gay, but a girl can dream no?

In any case, we shot about an hour or so of video, but Alex worked his magic and made this 69 second video on Kink through my words. I hope you find it as short and sweet as I do!

Playing With Power: Dominance and Submission

Authentic Power Play: Dominance and Submission by Eve Minax

 

Consensual Dominance and submission in relationships reflect an intentional acknowledgement and exploration of intrinsic power dynamics in an erotic fashion. These relationships draw upon the nature of the relationship, (the “bossier” person, more educated, older etc tend to traditionally be the “dominant”), to play with the already established power exchange. Conversely, some of these relationships have been “forced” on us through the years, eg … parents, bosses, etc that may have left an erotic print on our psyche that we wish to examine. By accepting and developing a D/s dynamic in relation to another, we can often heal and grow in ways that astound. The reason I am drawn to D/s as a Dominant is that I wish to mend some of the power imbalances I have endured over the years. I am also infinitely curious how relationships work and have a great desire to see them grow and develop into deeper awareness and closer intimacy.

The most important aspect to D/s training for both parties is to know yourself, your wants and your needs, and to be able to articulate those wants and needs in a thoughtful and thorough fashion. We cannot fully know ourselves at any given time however, so it also encourages compassion for yourself and your partner. You are human, you will err. There are many avenues to self-exploration and understanding and not any one of them is the only way. Ideally when our paths cross we can begin to understand how each of us have gotten there and have the wherewithal to follow through the relationship in a meaningful way. I would also suggest an ability to accept the type of relationship for “what it is” instead of trying to make it something it is not. A D/s component exists in all of our relationships, and when we develop that aspect of our dynamic then can we weave a thread of erotic power play.

 

As far as D/s training goes, I had to come to terms with the fact that I am a dominant person who enjoys and appreciates rigorous self exploration, consequently I attract submissives who also value self exploration and wish to defer to a more experienced person. What I have determined over the years since I began practicing serious D/s training is that I am a tenacious, yet flexible dominant. I have very specific ways that I like things done, but I cannot and will not reprimand irresponsibly. Two of the main ingredients to a good submissive for me are flexibility and humor. This is not to say that they should be a flake and a smart-ass, but that they can accommodate my mercurial ways with a sense of dignity and charm.

 

Although difficult, if I were to try to break down what makes a good D/s relationship work it would look something like this:

 

 

 * Communication. An ability of each participant to articulate their wants and needs and ability of each participant to negotiate their wants, (needs are less negotiable) are imperative to healthy relationships in all forms.

 

* Commitment. Energy and enthusiasm can wane in a relationship, but desire to participate in the relationship should always be intact – even if it is simply being questioned. It is perfectly healthy to question many facets of the relationship, but if the desire to be in the relationship is gone, then other facets arise. Be mindful.

 

*  Compassion for yourself and the other. Be kind to yourself, even when you make mistakes. Further, even if you are the dominant it does not mean that the submissive has no right to their feelings and emotions. Be kind to them also.

 

*  Service. The Dominant should be in service to the higher power of the relationship as much as the submissive is in service to the Dominant. Service ideally is the erotic glue to D/s. How can you serve and be aroused by service?

 

*  Flexibility. Each party should be able to move for the other. The most obvious understatement to this may be that the submissive will probably defer more often than the Dominant. Give each other enough space to work out individual quirks, but not too much that you no longer have any commonalities. Breathe into the change that will surely emerge.

*  Trust. How much do you trust that the other has your well being in mind first and foremost? How much do you trust yourself?

 *  Be honest. To what extent can you be honest with yourself, your beauty, power, and grandeur, with all of its foibles, imperfections and inconsistencies? D/s is all about being able to be truthful relaying your truth in a thoughtful and thorough fashion and subsequently being able to listen to your partner.

To sum it all up in the words of a former student at the Cleo Dubois Academy of S/M Arts  “find out what your partner wants and give it to them.” And of course, let them know honestly when you can’t.

What Does a Dominatrix Look Like to You? by Eve Minax

“Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.” 

Guillaume Apollinaire

One of my Sisyphean challenges in life is to demystify the myth of the Dominatrix – to fill out the missing gaps and one-dimensional characteristics that permeate our culture. The unique histories of Dominatrices inform their brave work and pioneering spirit. If you could look closely, (where are the stats anyway?), you would see an illustrious array of talent, skills, philosophies, and courage.

 

Like many other professionals I know, I too, have a unique history. Raised urban poor, I went on to obtain the first High School degree, and eventually a Master’s, in my family. Literary and theatrical studies combined with extensive pedagogical experience continue to inform my work as a BDSM lecturer, educator, and writer. Years before I would begin to fully understand my own leanings towards Female Domination and BDSM practices, I wrote my graduate thesis on “Subversive Practices in Feminist Performance Art”. Further, like many of my colleagues, I may not fit the stereotype of the Hollywood-produced leather cat suit clad man-eating vixen, but I have practiced the art of Domination with intention and commitment for many years.

 

The media stereotype of the Dominatrix is rather one-dimensional. The infiltration of SM culture into mainstream society leans primarily towards the fetishistic and aesthetic aspects of BDSM culture, avoiding any deeper underlying issues to the person and her work. In “real” life, Dominatrices are generally stunning; though not always mainstream beauties. We often stand out in a crowd because we tend to be individualistic, living life to the fullest and more often than not standing out as a leader – the one to take control in any number of ways. 

 

I’d love to see more research done that would illuminate the complexity of a profession that has been misrepresented and misunderstood societally. Like within most professions, a spectrum of representation exists, eg, not all lawyers are bad and not all police officers are good. The Dominatrix also has many layers to her persona, and I have been pondering the many variations exist for some time. 

 

Here is a partial list of some of the different types of Dominatrices, with basic names that I came up with off the top of my head, many of which can overlap with each other, and others that never mix.
The Domestic Disciplinarian: Could be your Aunty or Woman next door, until she puts you over her knee.
The Medical Specialist: Plays Doctor or Nurse to perfection.
The Rubber Mistress: Has all the rubber clothes and gear you could possible imagine.
The Goddess: Demands worship.
The Fetishist: Fetish is her motivator.
The Bondage Mistress/Top: Loves rope and knows how to use it.
The Whip Mistress: Whip wielding from single tail to cat o’ nine.
The Predator: Hunts you down and take you down.
The Philosopher: Keeps you in line with her words and ethics.
The Classic: Domestic Disciplinarian, Whip Wielder, Bondage Expert and more! The General Practitioner, (also with specialties) of Dominatrices.
The Good Girl Gone Bad: Looks angelic or like the girl next door.
The Seductress: Casts her spell to entice you.
The Counselor/Guide: Takes you where you need to go. 
The Emasculator: Wants your balls, you don’t need them.

 

Of course, this list is not exhaustive and as I began noting all the variations I realized that not only are there so many types, but that many of us embody any number of Strong Female Authoritarian Archetypes within our Dominatrix Personas which we invoke when appropriate to the scene: Queen, Priestess, Warrior, and Mother to name a few. Just because a Dominatrix self-presents in one archetypal role does not mean she cannot employ another type when necessary however, the Bondage Mistress can care for her bound subject in a very Maternal or Motherly way and once the Predator has captured her prey, she can employ the Goddess to finalize her objectives. Conversely, it would be quite useless for the Whip Mistress to whip the Domestic Discipline client as a Medical Specialist while wearing a black rubber cat suit. Not only do the genres not go together, but the Domestic Discipline aficionado’s needs will not be met and no catharsis would ensue leaving the session flat and ineffectual. 

 

I have often said that Dominatrices are Psychic Waste Managers, encouraging people to excavate parts of themselves that society deeply discourages: the primal sexual selves. If the libido is not allowed to emerge in a positive creative way, it can be destructive. I also say that the sacred and lascivious are flip sides of the same coin. Knowing who you are as a Dominatrix and how to go about employing different aspects of your self in the work helps achieve therapeutic results with your clientele. There is an old adage to the profession, we may not be therapists, but the work is therapeutic. Knowing oneself in Domination is particularly crucial because of the nature of psychosexual work. Libidinal drives inform our every movement, hence the work itself elicits the question of what drives us sexually. Personally, although I love whipping, I do not consider myself a whip Mistress. When I see my esteemed Whip Mistress colleagues doing the dance of fire and precision, I am truly humbled by their abilities. Would I desire to be them? Yes, but honestly, I must honor my primary arousal in order to be a better Dominant. I suppose I am an Archeologist of BDSM. I love exploring and excavating psychosexual terrain, and the whips and other accoutrements are simply tools that help me unearth buried artifacts.

 

In examining difference, we must also examine similarity. We Dominatrices all have sadistic streaks, or at the very least enjoy giving pleasure – and if a masochist seeks pain for their pleasure, we are happy to accommodate. We also, ideally, have hard skills in Domination, be they rope rigging, electro-play, or whip wielding.  Often motivated by deep fetishistic desires, we all care about our clientele in a professional fashion. Dominatrices have many similarities but perhaps only one commonality: whatever the archetype or role that we play, we need to push our subjects and ourselves a little deeper into the dark so that we all may extend our psychosexual travels a little further, returning each time with a bit more knowledge and a lot more savvy. 

 

domina
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Bottoms Up! 10 Ways of Being a Great Bottom

Oftentimes people conflate the terms “bottom” and “submissive” – to which I cringe because they are distinguishable. Today we will be discussing ten of the top ways of being a great bottom, specifically in Kink/BDSM, (if interested in how to be a better top, go HERE .  The noun is a “bottom” and the verb is “to bottom”. A “bottom” is a term originally derived from gay male culture that connotes a sexual positioning preference, generally meaning the one who is the receptive partner, (as opposed to top which indicates the active partner, or switch suggesting giving and receiving), and for our purposes today indicates the person receiving physical activity from a top. Read more

Venus In Fur San Francisco

I had a wonderful opportunity to see a production with ACT, (American Contemporary Theater), recently of Venus in Fur, and adaptation to the novella written by Sachor Von Masoch whose name is the origin of Masochism. If you are not familiar with the book, (he woos his Wanda, a beautiful, wealthy, young woman and “transforms” her into his cruel venus then leaves her in the end), which begs the question of who is master, who is slave, no worries! This production spells it out with a contemporary edge that is delightfully cunning, yet not overly clever. I was fixated for all 90 minutes. Brilliant!

And right now, ACT is offering a special promo for kinksters and curious ones. Here it is:

VENUS IN FUR COPY / SPECIAL OFFER
A.C.T. presents the acclaimed new comedy, Venus in Fur at the Geary Theater. When a young actress auditions for a new play based on the classic novel about sexual domination, the rehearsal room explodes into a playful, witty, and erotic game of cat and mouse between her and a gifted young director. Hailed by theNew York Times as “90 minutes of good, kinky fun” you can save up to 50% off tickets to select performances through April 3. To save, order online at www.act-sf.org/venus and use promo-code dominance when ordering. All tickets / discounts subject to availability. Tickets must be ordered by March 28.

Enjoy the Show!