What Does a Dominatrix Look Like?

A lot of people are talking about the Netflix show about a young Dominatrix. So far, I’d say it’s the equivalent of a waitress putting herself through school being called a professional restaurateur. She’s no pro, perhaps she will become one. We’ll see. In the meantime, here’s a little revision on a piece I wrote back in 2010 on the beauty and diversity of the Dominatrix.

 

Bear in mind, most Dominatrices use the pronoun “she” no matter the gender identity and some of use have been using Masculine pronouns in scenes for years…more on that later.

 

“Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.” 

Guillaume Apollinaire

One of my Sisyphean challenges in life is to demystify the myth of the Dominatrix – to fill out the missing gaps and one-dimensional characteristics that permeate our culture. The unique histories of Dominatrices inform their brave work and pioneering spirit. If you could look closely, (where are the stats anyway?), you would see an illustrious array of talent, skills, philosophies, and courage.

 

Like many other professionals I know, I too, have a unique history. Raised urban poor, in my family I went on to obtain the first High School degree, and eventually a Master’s degree. Literary and theatrical studies combined with extensive pedagogical experience continue to inform my work as a BDSM lecturer, educator, and writer. Years before I would begin to fully understand my own leanings towards Female Domination and BDSM practices, I wrote my graduate thesis on “Subversive Practices in Feminist Performance Art”. Further, like many of my colleagues, I may not fit the stereotype of the Hollywood-produced leather cat suit clad man-eating vixen, but I have practiced the art of Domination with intention and commitment for many years.

 

The media stereotype of the Dominatrix is rather one-dimensional. The infiltration of SM culture into mainstream society leans primarily towards the fetishistic and aesthetic aspects of BDSM culture, avoiding any deeper underlying issues to the person and her work. In “real” life, Dominatrices are generally stunning; though not always mainstream beauties. We often stand out in a crowd because we tend to be individualistic, living life to the fullest and more often than not standing out as a leader – the one to take control in any number of ways. 

 

I’d love to see more research done that would illuminate the complexity of a profession that has been misrepresented and misunderstood by sociaty. Like within most professions, a spectrum of representation exists, eg, not all lawyers are bad and not all police officers are good. The Dominatrix also has many layers to her persona, and I have been pondering the many variations exist for some time. 

 

Here is a partial list of some of the different types of Dominatrices, with basic names that I came up with off the top of my head, many of which can overlap with each other, and others that never mix.
 
The Domestic Disciplinarian: Could be your Aunty or Woman next door, until she puts you over her knee.
The Medical Specialist: Plays Doctor or Nurse to perfection.
The Rubber Mistress: Has all the rubber clothes and gear you could possible imagine.
The Goddess: Demands worship.
The Fetishist: Fetish is her motivator.
The Bondage Mistress/Top: Loves rope and knows how to use it.
The Whip Mistress: Whip wielding from single tail to cat o’ nine.
The Predator: Hunts you down and take you down.
The Philosopher: Keeps you in line with her words and ethics.
The Classic: Domestic Disciplinarian, Whip Wielder, Bondage Expert and more! The General Practitioner, (also with specialties) of Dominatrices.
The Good Girl Gone Bad: Looks angelic or like the girl next door.
The Seductress: Casts her spell to entice you.
The Counselor/Guide: Takes you where you need to go. 
The Emasculator: Wants your balls, you don’t need them.

 

Of course, this list is not exhaustive and as I began noting all the variations I realized that not only are there so many types, but that many of us embody any number of Strong Female Authoritarian Archetypes within our Dominatrix Personas which we invoke when appropriate to the scene: Queen, Priestess, Warrior, and Mother to name a few. Just because a Dominatrix self-presents in one archetypal role does not mean she cannot employ another type when necessary however, the Bondage Mistress can care for her bound subject in a very Maternal or Motherly way and once the Predator has captured her prey, she can employ the Goddess to finalize her objectives. Conversely, it would be quite useless for the Whip Mistress to whip the Domestic Discipline client as a Medical Specialist while wearing a black rubber cat suit. Not only do the genres not go together, but the Domestic Discipline aficionado’s needs will not be met and no catharsis would ensue leaving the session flat and ineffectual. 

 

I have often said that Dominatrices are Psychic Waste Managers, encouraging people to excavate parts of themselves that society deeply discourages: the primal sexual selves. If the libido is not allowed to emerge in a positive creative way, it can be destructive. I also say that the sacred and lascivious are flip sides of the same coin. Knowing who you are as a Dominatrix and how to go about employing different aspects of your self in the work helps achieve therapeutic results with your clientele. There is an old adage to the profession, we may not be therapists, but the work is therapeutic. Knowing oneself in Domination is particularly crucial because of the nature of psycho-sexual work. Libidinal drives inform our every movement, hence the work itself elicits the question of what drives us sexually. Personally, although I love whipping, I do not consider myself a whip Mistress. When I see my esteemed Whip Mistress colleagues doing the dance of fire and precision, I am truly humbled by their abilities. Would I desire to be them? Yes, but honestly, I must honor my primary arousal in order to be a better Dominant. I suppose I am an Archeologist of BDSM. I love exploring and excavating psycho-sexual terrain, and the whips and other accoutrements are simply tools that help me unearth buried artifacts.

 

In examining difference, we must also examine similarity. We Dominatrices all have sadistic streaks, or at the very least enjoy giving pleasure – and if a masochist seeks pain for their pleasure, we are happy to accommodate. We also, ideally, have hard skills in Domination, be they rope rigging, electro-play, or whip wielding.  Often motivated by deep fetishistic desires, we all care about our clientele in a professional fashion. Dominatrices have many similarities but perhaps only one commonality: whatever the archetype or role that we play, we need to push our subjects and ourselves a little deeper into the dark so that we all may extend our psychosexual travels a little further, returning each time with a bit more knowledge and a lot more savvy. 
 
For more information about how to become a Dominatrix or Bondassage Practitoner, email me

Five Sexy Kinky Gift Ideas!

Who doesn’t love a sexy gift? Whatever the reason, be it holiday, birthday, or just because, sexy gifts can bring laughter, joy, pleasure, intimacy, knowledge and power. And what’s more sexy than power? Ideas!

People often ask me what my favorite sexy gifts are,-  and I have many many options at my disposal. As I was pulling together my kinky gift list for a friend this year, I realized it has become much more comprehensive over time From a range of prices to areas of interest, (within sexy), there are lost of options. Keep this list handy, feel free to share. I trust you’ll find the appropriate gift for your loved one(s).

Oh, and by the way, some of these links will pay me back, so you’ll be gifting me as well!

1. Gift Books and Games

Sex Cards

It is possible to talk about sex the way foodies talk about food, with great detail and delight? Anyone can learn to be more comfortable on this terrain, it just takes practice. Part of the mission for these cards is to provide a fun way to talk about sex, not only between lovers, but between friends and groups of friends too. We are sexual beings all the time, whether or not we have a partner(s) at any given time. Have fun and be curious!

https://www.sexquestioncards.com/?fbclid=IwAR23gz1H9DncBK6CueDDwjBoLWFAjdpAFcgD6ocrRPtIz-hd-z9-B6-vr0s

 

Bondassage Book

Jaeleen Bennis created this sexy sequence for lovers and I helped her write the book. In it you’ll learn basic massage and bondage techniques, with tons of information on sensory play. There are lots of practice exercises also!

2. Gift Toys

Injoyus

My favorite strap-on “less” toy. So comfy! You attach one of the insertables in you and the more dildo shaped piece acts for the receiver’s pleasure. In a word, once in place, the wearer/giver can squat, walk, lie, even dance and the Injoyus will not fall out. Honestly, having mutual sexual pleasure with your partner from the inside out is quite like nothing else available to us on earth, only fantasies! https://newlovecreations.com/

I love mine so much I’ve named her Francis. Yep, our relationship is that special, and if you would like to own one go HERE and be sure to put in EVE1 for 10% off.  It’s 100 per cent fully refundable too. Here’s to a world where the Injoyus becomes a widely used pleasure device within the expansive world of sex and exploration!

For a more in depth review, go here…

 

If you want to create a combo pleasure gift of two pieces, here are two of my favorites:

The Betty Dodson Vaginal Barbell combined with the Hitachi Magic Wand https://www.goodvibes.com/s/sex-toys/p/GV13516/magic-wand/magic-wand-rechargeable are the BEST!

Although the barbell says “vaginal”, it actually works amazingly well on the prostate and anally for women also. Easy to clean, sterilizable, lasts for life, it’s worth every cent and then some too.
Pair it with the Hitachi Magic Wand for buzz, buzz and you’re set for life for around $200!

OR if you are maybe a bit more greedy, my absolute favorite girthy and lengthy toy is the

Eleven  made by N’Joy Toys

Eleven inches long and weighing over just over 2lbs….you’ll feel it and it doubles as a workout toy!

https://www.goodvibes.com/s/sex-toys/p/1-3-BF-0801/njoy/eleven-stainless-steel-dildo-?lref=Srch|njoy%2Beleven|a|1|c|0|-relevance|search_page|0

My other favorite insertable The Ass Hammer is just as versatile as the Eleven, but oh, so much lighter in weight. Once in, it stays in beautifully!

https://www.mr-s-leather.com/ass-hammer-large-stainless-steel/?acc=eveminax

3. Choose Your Own Gift! Perhaps my suggestions are not quite what you’re looking for? Then go to one of these sites for your pleasure…gift cards available also:)

toys, toys, and lingerie!

Good Vibrations  http://www.goodvibes.com/main.jhtml?kbid=214489

Gears, Toys, Latex, more…

Stockroom http://www.stockroom.com/home.aspx?ref=1885813

Gears, Toys, Furniture, more…

Mr S https://www.mr-s-leather.com/?acc=eveminax

 

4. Porn Gifts

Maybe a little streaming time for you and/or your partner?

I’ve been making my own videos for years, Mistress Minax FemDomme porn delights!

http://www.clips4sale.com/studio/15436

Or you may not know I did a great series with Pink and White Productions?

http://www.pinklabel.tv/on-demand/studio/point-of-contact-minax/?affiliate=2452008

Perhaps rubber and crossdressing works for you? Works for me! I love the shoots I’ve done with Alice In Bondageland.  You will too!

http://www.aliceinbondageland.com/?ref=2461044

5. Educational Gifts

Streaming:

Education you say? Learn from Me and Many Many Others anytime anywhere!

Kink Academy

http://refer.ccbill.com/cgi-bin/clicks.cgi?CA=942299-0000&PA=2460509&HTML=http://www.kinkacademy.com/

Study with Me Live in the Flesh!

One on one for Dominatrix Training

http://www.mistressminax.com/dominatrix-training/

Bondassage Training

http://www.mistressminax.com/bondassage-training/ Training

Group Study

Want to Become a More Confident Skillful Dominant? Or Maybe You and/or Your Partner Want More Depth to Their Dominance? Erotic Dominance Intensive with Me and Cléo Dubois, sixteen years and counting. Next one in February but selling out. Enroll now!

  http://www.sm-arts.com

Whatever your propensities, any of the above are sure to please. I hope these options have opened your mind and piqued your  curiosity!

 

What is Bondassage?

An Interview with Eve Minax by Pleasure Mechanics

I forget how much I know until I get a chance to talk about Erotic Domination, Integrating Kinky Sex, Spanking, and of course Bondassage! I really LOVED talking with my friends from Pleasure Mechanics recently about all of those subjects and more.

Here’s a clip wherein I discuss the book Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Massage Tips For Lovers , what Bondassage is, and how it could work for you!

We are super pleased to support lovers pursuing pleasure in this world and my hand motions are hilarious!

Watch:

 

 

How to negotiate a scene by KL Joy

Hey folks! My name is KL Joy, and I’m going to write a little today about how to negotiate a scene with a potential play partner. Now, I’m not talking about relationships; I’m talking about that first sexy time you see someone in a club and want to get some of their style going on. Ultimately the word negotiation means to communicate openly and clearly what you want and don’t want out of a scene.

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What’s your Sexual Personality Type?

Whats your Meyers Briggs Type Indicator and How does it Affect Your Sexuality

I am fascinated by Human Behavior, especially with regard to how certain personality types interact with others and in particular how they play out relationally and sexually. The Meyers Brigg standard of testing is quite popular and widely regarded. I, of course, take everything with a grain of salt, but it’s always good to be informed. Go here for more details on MBTI .

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