Why is the Measure of Love Loss?

For over a week I’ve been trying to form the words to simply announce news that gets stuck in my mind and heart whirling around, fighting, dancing, as if to mock my typical facileness with articulacy and my “fetish” for information sharing. It started with me thinking.., I should tell them, all my loved ones, the ones that even if they don’t know me, they know this part of me, to, oh, and the ones who do know me, and maybe even know more….they all will want to know and I must be the one to tell them. Why? Because knowledge is power, not just the “I’m the Queen” kind, but the kind that helps you make decisions around asking triggering questions either privately or publicly, the kind of power that can help you educate yourself ahead of time should a similar situation arise in your world, the kind of power that can cause you to make hard decisions. Whatever that power does to or for you, it’s your right to have it and my duty to share it.

Last week, Samson, my dear beloved Prince, the “love of my life”, My Little Man, my protector, and my heart passed gently in my arms and into another world. We created a beautiful altar with all his favorite things and pictures of loved ones, human and canine, here and gone, (primarily images pre camera phones 2005) laid upon it. I had deep, diverse, and loving support from a few dear ones and we talked and cried long into the night.

At first it was as if I were in a dream. I knew it had happened, but didn’t want to believe it, yet oddly enough, I was terrified to go outside. Anyone could see me without him and ask. It was too obvious, him not being at my side. Then I agreed to go out slowly, only where it was not expected to have my beloved Samson in tow, in fact, only where he was not known. I started making it out, telling dear friends slowly, baby steps. Trying not to make the “big” announcement, to save myself the torrent of condolences that would only validate the truth of his passing. In other words, I have been in mourning and grieving and trying to let you all know my reality. And so, in the course of my baby steps, the announcement is made.

 

Perhaps there’s something in it you can empathize with. Whether it be pet, parent, or loved one of any sort, the loss is immeasurable. I’ve lost both parents, two siblings, two best friends, several dear ones, and Samson is my first animal companion. The devastation still strikes me. So, as a coach, teacher, one who embraces and encourages change, I can honestly say that is where my meditation today, in those lessons that will surely pour forth, (as some have already started), the more the grieving wanes, an energy will always push ahead a bit more, and loving energy is the one I wrap my arms around and weep into every day. And it will continue to be so for some time. May all of you and all of your loved ones and even those who feel they do not deserve love, feel the depth of the love from within.

sending out that love to you now,

 

Eve

 

ps: sometimes I just cannot be funny, isn’t that hilarious?

 

pps: the title of this piece is stolen directly from Written on the Body, by Jeanette Winterson

107 replies
  1. Amy says:

    Thank you for sharing your heartfelt letter. Not only do I feel the love within me, I can feel the over spilling love that you are deep within you.:)

  2. Miss Piggy says:

    I just met Samson a couple weeks ago when a mutual friend was watching him. I had just lost my beloved cat and my friend held Samson in her arms as I cried over my loss. May his memory, like my best friend Oscar, be a blessing.

  3. Gloria Hovde says:

    Eve, I just teared up when I read this yesterday and couldn’t respond until today. It’s so painful to lose a family member and my heart goes out to you. You will always have Samson in your heart and please know that the beautiful, sweet pictures of him on your website brought grace to all of us.
    Hugs,
    Gloria

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  100. Rodneyginna says:

    Christina was born in the royal castle Tre Kronor on 18 December [O.S. 8 December] 1626. Her parents were the Swedish king Gustavus Adolphus and his German wife, Maria Eleonora, had already had two daughters—a stillborn princess in 1620, and then the first Princess Christina, who was born in 1623 and died the following year.[note 3] Excited expectation surrounded Maria Eleonora’s third pregnancy in 1626. When the baby was born, it was first thought to be a boy as it was “hairy” and screamed “with a strong, hoarse voice.”she later wrote in her autobiography that, “Deep embarrassment spread among the women when they discovered their mistake.” The king, though, was very happy, stating, “She’ll be clever, she has made fools of us all!”[16] From most accounts, Gustav Adolf appears to have been closely attached to his daughter, and she appears to have admired him greatly.

  101. Herberttum says:

    Despite residing in Germany for nearly 30 years, there are still some things I cannot wrap my mind around. I may have married a German, pay German taxes, and have German(-American) children, but I guess my US mentality still shines through.

    Like when it comes to personal space. I’ll be standing in the supermarket, in front of a shelf full of products, deliberating over the selection, and inevitably a hand will slip itself in front of my face and grab an item from the row. Many Germans seem to not have any qualms about this at all, but it still takes me aback sometimes.

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